Advice

Lets see,
Im doomed.
I don't know what to do. So I do naught.
I have no guts, or oppurtunity to do anything.
I want to. I don't know WHAT choice to take.

Well meet my advisors:

Ting Yan: Listen...try moving on...I don't think this is working out...just saying lah...

Well man...I thank you for those words...It kinda echoes me...sometimes. The problem is, 1 pang buries deep enough...2 won't help. And it won't do good to know that 2 pangs still sit in me and I an 'free'. But I shall ponder em.

Ibrahim: Don't be and idiot like me...see where I am now? Just try to say sorry and start over...or try...Take the chance mike.

Well da...lets try a dry run shall we? *clears throat* " Im sorry for being an idiot freak. Im sorry I felt something." what else now eh? even that sounds wrongly done. Maybe when it comes to be to say, I might stutter something. Still, your words are influenced by old friends...I would try not to follow suit in that track...Again I shall consider thee.

Haniff: Well, you never really HAD anything goin on. So it should be easy to try to move on? You hav to let go one day...Besides do you really think the feeling is real?

ONE DAY. Not today at least. And it seems like till now Im just emptying it all...I have NO idea what this is. What it sparked. How it sparked. What I did to the spark. I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA. I just know, it sparked :)

Karthik: Dei, just move on and find another lah! Instead of writing, you can just do other things mike!

Yes, thank you for those words. The most blatant idiocy Ive heard. Im not an asshole. Well, not asshole enough. I write, because I do. And moving on, I think the works shall lose the meaning. For if I do thus, It is all EMPTY (?) is it really??

So you see with so much advice, Im really on the brink on insanity. Ah well, blame it on my little knowledge on how to approach a chick. Im doomed. Always have been.

Here's you advice Ting Yan...

Break pen, and paper rend

To let it all go,
Says he;
Your cued time,
Is past and gone;

But my bow,
The inked pen;
Looses a whine,
Strung and drawn;

How shall I cut,
This string taut;
To leave a mark,
A pang of a scar;

My hand stops short,
The blade stopped;
By the invisible bar;

I cannot cut,
I shall not;
Till it comes,
To that beyond thought;

When the pen breaks,
And paper rend;
That is the day,
It shall all end;

Happy Belated Birthday To Me!!

Yea, its a bit late...VERY...

But now NC16 movies are mine to watch, legally!
My sis got me a Red Hot Chilli Peppers CD and its AWESOME!! THANK YOU!!

Ms Chia wished me on the 28th at 12.30 am. Half hour late...still counts I guess.
She gave me a rhyme lol.

I have a super-duper cool rhyme,
thinking of how to keep it in time,
okay so here it goes
it's as funny as your nose:
wishing you an awesome sixteenth birthday,
be less emo, and more gay!

Brilliant lol.
Ah well. Thank you to everyone who wished me. In fact I made a list on Facebook.
Here it is again. Im sorry If I missed anyone by mistake!

1- Siddha, phone, 12:00 am, 27th june

2- My mom, in person, 12:01 am, 27th june

3- Karthik, phone, 12:02 am, 27th june

4- JinGen Lim, Facebook, 12:04 am, 27th june

5- Denis Vladimir Kupstov A.K.A. Jun Ze, Facebook, 12:32 am, 27th june

6- Kok wai, Facebook, 1:12 am, 27th june

7- Chi Jie, Facebook, 1:16 am, 27th june

8- Chee peng, Facebook, 1:26 am, 27th june

9- Janene, Facebook, 7:40 am, 27th june

10- Vijay, Facebook, 9;33 am, 27th june

11- Reena Chand, Facebook, 10:50 am, 27th june

12- Nhita, Facebook, 11 am, 27th june

13- Megan Tan, Facebook, 11:28 am, 27th june

14- Olivia (and barney...),Facebook, 11:30 am, 27th june

15- Dad!, Facebook, 11:49 am, 27th june

16- Syanizam, Facebook, 12:18 pm, 27th june

17- Sally, Facebook, 12:45 pm, 27th june

18- Raseena, Facebook, 1:29 pm, 27th june

19- Bharatth, Facebook, 3:45 pm, 27th june

20- My sis, In person, early morn, 27th june

21- Rahul Singh, Facebook, 5:19 pm, 27th june

22- Syafiq, Facebook, 5:26 pm, 27th june

23- Afiqah, Facebook, 6:50 pm, 27th june

24- Karthik (again), Facebook, 11:17 pm, 27th june

25- Haniff, Facebook, 9:14 pm, 27th june

26- Ibrahim, MSN, 11:16 pm, 27th june

27- Ms Rachel Chia, 12:30+ am, 28th june

And thats 27!! COINCEDENCE!!

But in other news, Ive been advised to move on. LoL. I don't know anymore.

anyway, here's the work...Its becoming a long post.

City of Rhyme

As I write this line,
The next will rhyme;
The reason this flows,
Only my pen knows;

Write new ideas,
The work of play;
Well, Ms Rachel Chia, marvel,
This is enough being gay;

But as I build,
The imaginative city;
My happiness and pride,
May well into pity;

I pity that this,
Is not reality of thought;
But only whim of fancy,
Present but only in a spot;

Pity, if it is to be,
Swept away;
When the wind howls,
The world will sway;

My thought is broken,
By reality of sound;
For my mind,
Is not in bliss, bound;

As it shatters,
And falls back;
I reach to hold it,
And prefer fiction to fact;

Then it slips back,
My mind is clean;
I turn from cheer,
To a man, mean;

I remember naught,
Of the fallen city;
Only floating words,
Foul, quick and witty;

I build one anew,
An architect;
Digging out of the ground,
An artefact;

Maybe now,
Silence shall rule;
Boom! Damn,
Now shall I kill the fool;

Holidays? What Holidays?

The whole holidays just passed without me noticing it.
Just like that!
*snap*

And Ive done NO work. Ive written my name on a few, but otherwise, I cant bring myself to fucking WORK!!

Plus Im bored. The one PLUS this week, was I got Prototype. AWESOME GAME!!!
Here's some gameplay from a friend of mine. This got me into it.


SWEET RIGHT!?
I know...Thats why I got it.

So other than that, its BORING.
And in the back of my head, you still loom. I can't forever forget. And this probably is'nt the best time is it? ...I stutter and stammer. U probably are'nt even reading this! Just another hope that I pray to keep alive...hhah...laughter...I wonder what it really means now...I haven't felt a good laugh for a while...

Boredom

Bored,
Of the same things;
Adored,
By dead kings;

Time flows,
Past me fast;
Sparrows and crows,
Grin from the top mast;

My rhyme grows,
Sluggish and slow;
It clearly shows,
The unmasked foe;

My enemity,
With 'Nothing To Do';
Is familiarity,
Of the left foots' shoe;

I am bored,
To wits' end;
Badly gored,
Time does not mend;

Bored of play,
Bored of work;
Bored since May,
Bored of perks;

It seeps in,
Past my mind;
Like a sharp pin,
Piercing blind;

I move slow,
Act mellow;

I take my own sweet time,
Staring at the flowers on the vine;

I welcome thee,
To the kingdom,
Of boredom;

Im In A Circle...Round and round we go now...

Im just bored. Plain bored.
Bored of work.
Bored of games.
Bored of even writing a rhyme. (which my head has been void of)

I watched 8 Mile, and Saving Private Ryan.
Got the CDs. Nice movies.

So, Im just awaiting some things this week.
#1- Gig on 19th June. Expecting some good rock!!
#2- hopefully these braces are almost off. lets see on the 18th.
#3- Nothing...

We wanted to go to Quenton's house, but dunno why, we can't. For now...I swear I might break down the door man...

I finished my rhyme I started on the camp.
I wrote 2. I before and after the 'News'.
Im putting up the second. (after the 'News').
The first is too obvious. I could'nt seem to riddle well. Take note, not all rhymes. I wasn't in a good state of rhyme. ( If thats a term )

Terrible Beauty- Overmooned

Deleting,
Ignoration;
Thus all is known;

When believing;
Indigation,
Is not your own;

At least I hold,
One comfort;
A light in a tunnel,
So dark;

That the day of birth,
My effort of mirth;
Is not destroyed,
An unburnt mark;

I know not,
If it is well;
Do me a favour,
Ask yourself to tell;

I recieve word,
Of the missing number;
As it is heard,
My pen in hand stumbles;

I fly,
Wind in my face;
Asking myself, again,
And again;

"Is it a shell,
And empty well?
Am I to be se said,
As the one who fell?"

Thoughts race fast,
As I swerve in;
I look up at the stars,
My head starts to spin;

I swerve and pump,
Riding lines and bumps;
I am scraped and torn,
But the burn is borne;

For in me rages,
And inferno stronger;
Of confusion and doubt,
Uncertainty of anger;

The night runs by,
I ride and rhyme;
I lose more hope,
Of even biding time;

As a new dawn,
Come to light;
The last night's flame,
Still burns bright;

It smoulders,
And sparks;
With small boulders,
My mind darks;

As the host leaves,
On the errand of service;
I let go, and heave,
A sigh of un-purpose;

I lie down,
In a midst of confusion;
Let go, of it all,
Save my delusion;

I remain the same;
Just more terrible and sad;

My Guitar Hates 'E' Strings

Yea...keeps snapping whenever I string it, or try to.
Im gonna go to the friggin shop where I got it and get it done there.

We audiotioned yesterday for youth day.
Hilimi was bloody nervous. Sang a bit soft at first.
They said we were not fitting the theme, so not for youth day. But teachers' day maybe.
WHAT THEY MEANT WAS,
We were too awesome for youth day.
Haha. actually brought a smile there.

Im still the same I guess.
No real change.
Life is just going on and on.
I gotta buck up and start the revision and shit.
But will power fails me sometimes, If not all.

Im unsure of what to do now.
If I should that it.
Pain like that dosent ebb away easy.
I have a feeling even if I do make any progress, its all superficial.

Going good for someothers at least.
Elilah and Miharbi.
I love these made up code names.

Bored at home.
Bored outside.
Bored...

I havent done the rhyme for the Bonding Camp shtuff yet.
So here's one from the archives...

The Planet Earth

Too warm,
Too cold,
Just right;
Planet earth;

Not anymore,
Too much salt,
And too much pepper;
We all reek,
At the real cooking!

Earth, a real cuisine,
Rot to mud (cake);
I preferred it when...

Too warm and too cold.

Here we go again!
Ruin another one,
Or two, added to the count;

Post-Camper

WARNING: LONG POST!!!!

Yea...did'nt write much on the last one after the OSL camp.
Couldnt write anything without losing myself.
I thought of editing it, but....no.

Let it lie there.

Anyway, now that Im cooler.

OSL camp, was....fun.
If not all that I expected.
It was goin fine, All assembled and put their bags and shtuff in the bunks.
Had Ice breaking games.

Olivia hated the fact that I thought Barney is gay. ( he is by the way!!)

So, we had the water games.
Massacred the idiots (no offence).
HAHA. Long range bombing,

Jayraj didnt realise where it hit him.
or where it came from.
It just fell out the heavens...haha.

Then they washed up and had dinner.
Couldnt fricking eat the rice. I hate rice.
Prefer noodles.
Then had Jone's speech.
Joel, Li Fang and Zi Kang joined us.

Joel had some weird questions.
Only Haniff, Zi Kang and Me managed to keep the words flowing with proper sense.
Jone was muffled (as usual).
He had more content, but no presentation.
Couldve done better.
Haniff and me were flinchin now and then.
ha.

Then Mr Tan had his reflection.
We had some standing ovations.
Then we left for the night games.
FUN.
I was having fun with the guys.
( I had NO idea it was a trust game, so sry )
I kept whispering in their ears.
Tickled their legs with brooms.
I had fun with Thinesh at the end.
Groping in the dark for me.

Then we went to bed.
by WE, I mean everyone else cept the Exco and seniors.
We stayed up and talked some shit.
Tried Azfar's skate board or snake board. wtv.
Got the hang of it, but cant turn or go forward.
I started writing that days confusion after that,
Then couldnt rhyme.
SO went for a ride on Ting Yan's bike.
Amanda and Alisa saw my rhymes .
" theres alot of anger here..."
they said.
So I said, " its just confusion".

Then the worst hit.
I couldnt even write.
Took the bike.
And rode.
Round and round the Parade Square.
Till my thighs burnt. and I scraped my calf on the stone there.
I still rode.
It didnt burn as it did,
The burn dont flame, when the flame burns on.

I couldnt really take it.
At least the truth came.
Ignorance really was bliss.
Then everything spiralled.

The rest ordered Mac.
at 3 am.
I didnt even feel hunger pangs, as I wouldve...
I kept riding.
They ordered, and slept while waiting.
Cept me and Ting Yan.
I was in pain.
Ting yan just wanted to stay up.

Mac came.
Everyone ate.
I rode.
They slept.
I stopped for a bit and a half rhyme or 2 came out.
Then even Ting Yan knock out.
I felt myself go out at 4 am.
Heard Haniff's phone alarm at 4 20.
woke up and rode again.
The pain was renewed,
Then morning came, I still rode.
Had breakfast and rode.
The rest left and only me and Ting yan in skool.

We knocked off from 9 to like 11.30.
We woke up and left for home.
Then I blogged that short one.
Thats all I could,
My thighs were like jello

Lost track of time a bit. But this entry is too long already.

I havent finished the rhyme of the camp, heres one other.
He seems to be having a better time than me at least.

No hidden title here.

Ibrahim

He waits and awaits,
Opening the doors and gates;
He opens himself up,
Drinking the empty looking cup;

Rhymic words,
Describe little of the pain;
By little he is spurred,
Let it all not be in vain;

Waiting on a line,
Appearing off it;
Slipping down the vine,
The end is hit;

He swings and slides,
Trying to find a hold;
Across two divides,
Crusty, clipping mould;

But the eyes return,
A message unknown;
Less his heart'd be smitten,
His hand always on the phone;

Waiting,
And hoping;
Grappling,
And groping; ( in the dark )

Ibra,
Looks naught far;
For his Nits,
At his Wits' End;

Shoe-box

Everything just crashed.
Nothing can be said.
No rhymes.
No nothing.

Rhymic

Woots school holidays!

Boo! We sec 4s dont have em. This is kinda shit, but Its for out 'good' I suppose.
Im not even paying attention sometimes. I feel so lethargic. weird.

must be a bit of lack of sleep. Computer working, and I started playing Dark Crusade with Chaos (Death To The False Emperor!). So couldnt stop.
Chaos Undivided shall rule thy unbelieving heart!!

sorry, was in the mood there.

Listening to Hole In The Bucket by Harry Belafonte.
Brings a small smile, one I havent really felt in a while.

So bonding camp coming up. Whats gonna happen? Ignorance? The final talk? more ignorance?
But Im hopeful yet. Hopefully not to my own demise. :)

Im rhyming my senses into writing.
warning :*Flaring senses are present*

Senses

Colours of sight;
Cycadellically bright,
Dull and grey;
Through the eyes they bite,
Colours either sad or gay;

Scents of smell;
Painfully sharp,
Inheld flavour;
Like notes on a harp,
Sweet tones of quavers;

Flavour of taste;
Sweet tooth,
Bitter tongue;
Sour youth,
Fresh laid dung;

Sounds of hearing;
The loud bang,
Of the soft whisper;
The deep clang!
The crying whimper;

The feeling touch;
Heat on bare skin,
The biting frost;
Love of kith and kin,
Feeling so lost;

I have delved,
Into my senses;
Or out of them;

Pictures.

Me And Ms Chia.Or is it Ms Chia and I?!

The Jew, The Tree-Hugger And The Poet!

Tree Huggin Jews Who Hang With Poets

The title is random. No real meaning. So don't start commenting on THAT.

What do I hav to say......

Well Ms Rachel Chia left skool on friday. So most of the class were like hoggin round her for pics. She gav me her Lit text she used in secondary skool. So nice of her :) I shall treasure it.

and her famous line "where is the jew?"

hahaha. Oh man.

What else now?

Parent-teacher meeting was the same. "you son has the potential but just LAZY"

Ya I know!! Im too lazy to change. Therein lies the problem!!

Most teachers couldnt believe I failed bio.

"buts its the SIMPLEST science!!

Yea sure....Im not interested to know what exactly happens in my body.

As long as I know that this much happens, its cool. Too much is dumb.

I just crapped didnt I?

lazy to backspace.

haha.

Im still thinking bout one thing in the back of my head, and you KNOW IT. What should I do? I dont know. Some say wait. Others say move on. Others say persist. You tell me! Easy as easy done.

OSL bonding camp coming up. Im gonna go peep in and see what they are gonna do. JUST FOR FUN!! hahaha.

Here's one Ms Chia would remember.

The Jew, The Tree-Hugger and The Poet

The Jew;

Well not really,

More related to the cross;

Ere his heart grows weary,

He feels a deep loss;

.

His loyalties uncertain;

Not israel,

Nor India anymore;

He puts on a veil,

To remain a bore;

.

The Tree-Hugger;

And enviromentalist,

Saving the Earth;

The English activist,

Old School mirth;

Naturalist, Anti-US;

He loves the animal kingdom,

And his shiny waxed hair;

A sort of wisdom,

Less it is cursed bare;

The Poet;

His rhymes,

And words;

Merely mimes,

Wingless birds;

.

Homphobic;

Believer that gays should die,

With the white west;

Questioning, mundane, like why,

The brighter sun sets;

So now you know,Of three;
Added below the bow,

Of the Joker, The King and the Thief;

The Jew, The Tree-Hugger,

And The Poet.